[Marxism] A Letter from Goldman Sachs on OWS

Gulf Mann gulfmann at gmail.com
Wed Oct 26 15:32:51 MDT 2011

Of course this "letter" isn't from Goldman Sachs at all--it's another bull's
eye piece of contemporary humor from political humorist Andy Borowitz.

On Wed, Oct 26, 2011 at 11:45 AM, Vladimiro Giacche' <md1101 at mclink.it>wrote:

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> A Letter from Goldman Sachs
> Concerning Occupy Wall Street
>  The following is a letter released today by Lloyd Blankfein, the chairman
> of banking giant Goldman Sachs:
> Dear Investor:
> Up until now, Goldman Sachs has been silent on the subject of the protest
> movement known as Occupy Wall Street.  That does not mean, however, that it
> has not been very much on our minds.  As thousands have gathered in Lower
> Manhattan, passionately expressing their deep discontent with the status
> quo, we have taken note of these protests. And we have asked ourselves this
> question:
> How can we make money off them?
> The answer is the newly launched Goldman Sachs Global Rage Fund, whose
> investment objective is to monetize the Occupy Wall Street protests as they
> spread around the world.  At Goldman, we recognize that the capitalist
> system as we know it is circling the drain – but there’s plenty of money to
> be made on the way down.
> The Rage Fund will seek out opportunities to invest in products that are
> poised to benefit from the spreading protests, from police batons and
> barricades to stun guns and forehead bandages.  Furthermore, as clashes
> between police and protesters turn ever more violent, we are making
> significant bets on companies that manufacture replacements for broken
> windows and overturned cars, as well as the raw materials necessary for the
> construction and incineration of effigies.
> It would be tempting, at a time like this, to say “Let them eat cake.” But
> at Goldman, we are actively seeking to corner the market in cake futures.
>  We project that through our aggressive market manipulation, the price of a
> piece of cake will quadruple by the end of 2011.
> Please contact your Goldman representative for a full prospectus.  As the
> world descends into a Darwinian free-for-all, the Goldman Sachs Rage Fund is
> a great way to tell the protesters, “Occupy this.”  We haven’t felt so good
> about something we’ve sold since our souls.
> Sincerely,
> Lloyd Blankfein
> Chairman, Goldman Sachs
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